4/10/2022
It's easy to let people you loved fall out of your life
But it's hard to have the courage to let them stay
What haunts me is the love I still have for people who will never love me
People who are long gone
People who no longer exist because they've become someone else
People who will never love me because they love someone else
"They will love me if I do this thing..."
I seem to think every time
And then I grow afraid if they are to see the real me
The one that cries
The one falling apart
I spent my entire life trying to be a good kid
Because I thought that was the only way anyone would ever love me
Turns out
Being good doesn't guarantee love
I was good
I was very good
And they used me
They didn't love me
No one ever did
Maybe that's not entirely true
There were a few that cared for me for a short time
But in the end I'm still here
Alone
I run away and hide from the ones I despise and the ones I love
all the same
I fear what they will see in me
Because I haven't yet escaped the terrible things that hurt me
I am not all I wish I were
I am not pleasant
I am not perfect
I am in love with the thunder and the rain
It cries unashamed in the way I do when no one's around
Loudly, and with force
It doesn't care about the people that run from it
There is beauty in this storm
Others hide and take shelter from it
While I love standing alone
In the downpour